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Unintentional Abuse

Questioner: [what do you mean by] Unintentional grooming?
Questioner: explain further pls cuz i’ve thought about that but never like- processed it fully

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I am doing my best to avoid getting really psychological here, but the basis of the concept is that the human mind avoids thinking about things that threaten your sense of self and reality. This is a well-documented and extremely strong instinct.

So like, people don't automatically assume that they are doing something bad. Nearly every person will seek out and find justifications for everything they do. A 40 yo isn't going to suddenly get up and say, "I've never had an interest in younger people before, but I suddenly want to take advantage of someone's naivety." Becoming an asshole like that is a process shaped by exposure to the abuse of others (not usually direct abuse, surprisingly) and being enabled by social expectations and unfettered access. They do not believe that they are doing anything wrong, they've never analyzed their own behavior and are usually not even aware that they are doing anything special at all.

People who are unintentionally racist or ableist fall into this category of abuser. They uphold status quo for the sake of status quo, never once questioning if it provides a barrier to equal access. They are the ones who are most offended at having their offenses pointed out to them, because challenging the things they've never questioned makes them suddenly introspective and insecure in a way that is potentially dangerous to their sense of self.

Incidentally, it is my belief that some of these abusers can often train themselves away from abusive behaviors by becoming aware of them through exposure to less harmful behaviors and relationships in media and by allowing themselves to be held accountable by friends and family. This is a lot of work on the part of many people. It is what I believe to be the key to saving this country, but I doubt it can be performed on a national scale.

The intentional abuser, on the other hand, has already performed this self-analysis, or been sufficiently educated on the harm their behaviors do to others, and decided that the benefit of whatever they are doing overrides the cost (to others). Further education is generally a waste of time and energy and isolation is preferred.
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